The road to hell is paved with good intentions, right? Well, I intended to keep up with this blog on a daily or every other day basis. Long story short, this vacation hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing. I’m tired. I worked too hard at RhinoLand, because my competitive drive tells me I have to keep up with the guys.
I’m in a strange land with strange people. I have limited connection to family and friends and am without my creature comforts. I’ve been on the move constantly and am getting little sleep.
But on top of everything, I’ve been suffering the “less common side effects” of the anti-malarial medication.
I came to Africa with a broken heart, which isn’t a great way to start a vacation that’s been a year in the making, but I thought I could work my way out of the sadness. Not so much. One of the “less common side effects” is depression, to which I’m already prone. It started spiraling, and I’ve had a hard time enjoying myself, even though I repeatedly tell myself, “YOU’RE IN AFRICA, DUMMY! THIS IS YOUR BUCKET LIST, YOUR DREAM!”
I rode to the airport with tears streaming down my face yesterday.

Worse, two nights ago, I was alone in my rather nice cabin (with hot water), and I thought I lost something that I swear I placed in my luggage. An hour or more later, after tearing through my luggage several times, I found what I was looking for, only to realize I lost something else. This vicious cycle went on for over 2 hours. I felt like I was losing my mind, and was afraid that I would be sent home for psychosis. It’s a terrible and horrifying feeling. There were no hallucinations, but I felt like I had to remind myself not to hallucinate. The taxidermied animals on the wall are NOT going to talk to you. Full disclosure, a little paranoia was creeping in. Everyone at the airport was putting marks on me. (That could very well be real, however. Jo’Burg Airport is sketchy as hell.)

After speaking with several people about the season and the effects of this particular drug, I made the decision to stop taking it. Today is better. My eyes aren’t welling up with tears with every thought. I’m with a new group of people … some very funny people. We are laughing and enjoying ourselves.

So, I may come home with rabies.
I may come home with malaria. But it looks like I won’t be coming home early and in restraints.